Absence……….

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say evil is the absence of good, hate the absence of love, and death is the absence of life. There is never a time in anyone’s life where they feel the need to be absent in another’s life. Those feelings are deemed inconceivable, incorrect or rather taboo.

Boy meets girl. Girl falls for boy. Girl tells boy she loves him. Boy gets scared and out of duty reiterates that emotion. Now here is where things go wrong. Boy should have never told girl he loves her if he didn’t mean it. And girl should have never let boy tell her that he loves her knowing he doesn’t.

Absence of knowledge is called ignorance. If you know something and fail to tell someone is that absence of a conscience? For those of us who use self deprecating actions and have harmful morals is a threat only to ourselves. There is nothing grand about being grandiose or self righteous. There is nothing superb about being better, stronger faster. It only means you get to finish faster, and finishing faster isn’t always better.

Delay in commenting on how she is dressed or how he looked at her. Repeat frequently how you dress, how you get looked at. Delay in judgment for there is always someone judging you. Never hide your true intentions, just be. Never lie to mask how you feel, just feel.

Emotions run in all of us, no matter how hard we try to mask them, name them, or excuse them. Understanding your emotions is one of the greatest battles you will ever have to face as a human. Especially if you were ever a human in love, lust or the polar opposite, you still have un-handled emotions.

As humans, we are our own worst enemies, beating and stomping something so beautiful, so precious and delicate until it is no longer. Or melting and cooling it over and over until it is as hard as pavement we walk on each day. No one will ever know why we do what we do, but we just do.

Thoughts for the day……

A.

Bucket list (work in progress)

So in an attempt to add some sort of fulfillment to my life, I decided to create a bucket list....you know the ones you complete before you kick the bucket. Now don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but I figured every 30 year old woman who is in the middle of soul searching should have one.

So here is mine. I have organized it so that its by subject. Don't laugh, you know me and if you know anything about me, one of my most fatal flaws in my constant obsessive compulsive disorder in which things need to have a home, even if there isn't a category, i will create one just because I can.

So here goes nothing!

Let's start with Life, in this section I want to complete things that will make me have a happier, fulfilled life.
1. Finish my book
I have been working on this for almost a year now, I have a quarter of it completed, but I think once I am able to finish it and get it published I can bury that part of my life. This will definitely make me a better/happier person.

2.Lose 75 pounds.
For those that know me, I have always been chunky, fluffy, fat, round....what ever you call it I have always been hefty. I have tried and failed at many diets, and decided that I really need to buckle down and lose this 75 pounds that is haunting me. Not only for myself but for my son.

3.Learn to trust.
HA! This is going to be the hardest challenge of them all. But I think I can make it through it.

4.Laugh every day
5.Live Peacefully
6.Learn to forgive
7.Learn to overcome my fear of heights
8.Learn to use a gaming controller (ask Joe I suck at this!!!)
9.Do something spontaneous, there is no plan, I don't even have a clue as to what I want to do, but it has to be spontaneous and fun!
10.Volunteer more
11.Learn to become a better cook
12.Become more organized (I am trying to do that here....but I feel that I am failing miserably! LOL)
So because I cant really classify my bucket list, I am going to just add what I have. Really, how can you organize a bucket list? What the hell was I thinking?
13.Learn to speak a foreign language. Spanish, German, French, Italian, anything...but something new!
14.Finish school
15.Visit a new city every year
16.Learn about eastern religion and philosophy
17.Learn to crochet
18.Get a traditional Polynesian tattoo
19.Learn a new trade once every 2 years
20.Watch my son graduate college
21.get more tattoos
22.Visit a foreign country once every 3 years
23.Learn to play the guitar
24.Buy at least one piece of urban/outrageous art at least once a year.3
25.Invest. Those etrade commercials inspired me....MILKA-WHAT?

I am sure there are more.....but right now my mental capacity for thinking has reached its limit. I will strike out things I have completed, and add in a new post things I want to add.


I hope this inspires you to laugh your ass off, create a bucket list or overall make your life better by making those small changes.