Follow the breeze

Sometimes I sit back and contemplate what life has taught me and I realize that In all my years of trying to figure out who I am, I lost myself. I lost myself in the world of self doubt, self hate, self loathing and lack of self esteem. I lost myself when I became too interested in someone else to care about how I felt about situations and I lost myself when I stopped writing music and I started letting someone else direct my life.

At some point in our short life here on earth, we allow other people to take the wheel and control our destiny, and we don't know where they are taking us, or how we will get back, we just let them assume control of our lives and they direct us and tell us where to go. Its like following the breeze. Like being a tumbleweed on the great highway of life, blown from side to side, and every once in a while there comes a long a big truck that snags you, and you are just carried away....

I used to feel like that sometimes, like a tumbleweed being blown where ever the wind wants me to go. But in recent months, I have decided to forge my own path. Make my own highway on the road of life. Its hard, and time consuming and the materials I collect for the job are rare and few and far between my destinations.

Growing up I can remember sitting front row at Antons in Austin, Texas with the likes of Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimmy Vaughn, Muddy Waters, and BB King. I was 10. I was 10, and In a city where the music rolled endlessly through the streets, singing of glory days passed and lyrics to come. Now, at 30 I sit here and I can actually hear the words to the songs I didn't understand back then. I understand why the lyrics were important and why the person sitting on stage in this smokey, sticky floor, dingy club sang with his heart and the souls of his shoes instead of getting on stage and being another figure in the spot light.

I understand where the feelings come from and the heart filled words, I understand the women who loved those men, and the men who loved those women. If I could go back to that night, to those days, sitting under the old oak tree in the Travis heights park, listening to the Sex Pistols for the first time and Red Hot Chili Peppers on an old sony walkman that a kid in class brought. To chasing and being chased.

To staring at the woman driving the pink thunderbird, and watching the punks lounge in college square behind UT. I remember my nanny with a clarity, Sandy was her name. She took me to college square to the no name record shop where they played the punk music our kids consider cool, where the posters on the wall showed guys with freakishly large Mohawks and tattoos, the place where they carried Jerome Russell's punky colors back when only the "degenerates" and the "troublemakers" knew what punky colors was.

So I find myself back in that bar tonight, reminiscing and longing for days of old. Only now, I long to share those thoughts with someone. To share that music, and awe inspiring depth. It's few and far between that we find someone as compatible to ourselves other than ourselves....


Well, It's time for this allekats bed time, until I get inspired again....

Dead in the water

Silently I life my feet off the ground, reaching for the unknown.
Death takes me quickly, and I see myself swirling in a sea of stars
Twisting, turning, waiting, watching.

I am here, I am dead in the water, scum floating around me,
depths unknown, I try to dive, to sink to the bottom.
Floating aimlessly in the sea of life, risking my soul

What are the chances?

What are the chances?
Of hearing that perfect song, on a perfect day?

Well, my weekend was an awesome one, minus a few FAIL boat rides, I managed to hold composure and my bladder and not fly off a cliff at a bajillion miles an hour, and I managed to not flop a jeep after spinning out a 360 on a dirt road.

Overall, it was a good weekend, I had a date Friday night that I think went really well, with a super cool guy.

Saturday, I let my nerdiness out and went to see the Star Trek exhibit at the Science Center, 3 kids in tow as I oooh'd and ahhhh'd at the pictures and memorabilia, got my toes painted pink and my hair was good.....


So now on to that perfect song on a perfect day......

I was sitting at my desk about 20 minutes ago, listening to Social Distortion, Pennywise, and Rob Zombie. This song came up, ironically right after Sick boys, and before Bro Hymn, its called Highway 101. I had to listen to this song 3 times before I decided that I truly liked it.

"Take a drive baby up the coast, yea highway 101
I’ll pass Ventura and Santa Barbara too, just as fast as my motor runs
Gotta pocket full of memories, some happy and some are sad
Gotta girl standin’ by my side through the good times and the bad

Chorus:
Listen to the boulevard, listen to the falling rain
I believe in love now, with all of its joys and pains

Sick boy, sick girl, looking nice dressed up on a Saturday night
Take a walk downtown for a while and chase the pale moonlight
I can still hear the mission bells and the train rollin’ through your town
Gonna leave this world behind, we’re Southern California bound

Chorus: x 2
Listen to the boulevard, listen to the falling rain
I believe in love now, with all of its joys and pains
Follow the palm trees under the California sun
I believe in love now, I believe in love again"

Of course, I had heard the song once or twice before, but never really HEARD the song until today. Thanks to a friend who shall remain nameless, he opened my eyes to music I wasn't hearing until recently. Now this particular album, has a certain song on it that I didnt want to hear, I had a fear of being reminded of darker days past. The album is Sex, Love and Rock'n'Roll, the song of darker days is Angels wings, reminds me too much of my brother.

So this song comes on, and I start to really hear the words, escaping with the song. To me, it was the perfect song to a perfect day.

When times like these come around, I retreat to my music for consolation, I also write alot and get tattoos. It's times like these that my fondest memories are created and my heart is healed.

I suggest if you get the chance to hear it, you do so.


Enjoy....


Wikked